I see that trauma often has deeper meaning behind it. I know that it has propelled me onto a path of wanting to share my mom’s story, my own story and other people’s stories who have experienced similar things. I think the sharing of our experiences is extremely important for the expansion of personal and global awareness, empathy and catharsis. My trauma has meaning now, but it doesn’t mean I should have experienced it.
“I guess a common theme in my life has been letting go of control. I learned this early because I had to, sadly and thankfully. I now have the ability to just be with others through their own suffering, knowing that things will change. I have learned not to impose and not to force change. There is nothing to fix or change in the core part of each individual.”
“I believe that when we reside in environments that are not safe (both internally and externally) and when things are too painful to be with, we naturally move away from the pain and numb or protect ourselves in whatever way possible. Looking back I can see how my eating disorder protected me – probably to the point of actually saving me from a much worse fate.”
If I could impart any virtue or quality to everyone in my country right now it would be curiosity. Even just a touch. Could everyone be just a touch more curious and lean in just a little more? I think it is incumbent on me to say that I don’t think it is the responsibility of those who have been most maligned, subjugated and oppressed to offer grace to their oppressors. I think it is the responsibility of those of us with the most power and privilege to open and be curious, to listen.
“I think we are in a society that wants us to believe that material accomplishments are where our value is derived, but I really don’t believe in that. If a multi-millionaire feels like shit all the time and has toxic relationships, then they haven’t really made it. I know now that the most important thing is to work on ourselves.”
I have realized that no matter how “strong” you are, there is no such thing as immunity to trauma, especially for women. We are taught to take care of others before ourselves. It took me a while to realize that what was happening to me was not my fault. It was, however, my job to get myself feeling safe and present again. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.